The other day I did a Very Stupid Thing. Let me tell you.

This is the story of a vile murder, or how it takes only a few seconds and a few drops of vinegar to fuck things up big time.

Well no, it isn’t. And I will stop shouting. But it did involve a few seconds and a few drops of vinegar and probably a murder most foul. It didn’t ‘fuck things up big time’ though, only for the one who was murdered (murderee?) – the victim. Who was a plant.

You see, the other day I was watering the plants. I like to take good care of them. We are spending so much time indoors now and they’re our roommates, right? I was using my little metal watering can that I have been using since forever and I noticed that the stream coming out of the spout was a little thin. I peered inside and saw that the inside was covered with calcium. All calcified on the inside, cannot be good.

You see where this is going, hm?

I topped my last bottle of common vinegar into the can to let it soak a bit and take the calcium out. I left the empty vinegar bottle next to it so I would be reminded that the can did not, in fact, contain water but fucking vinegar – which is not very good for plants.

Skip to about fifteen minutes on.

Question: Do you know what happens when you accidentally and mindlessly (may I say ‘brainlessly’?) pick up the watering can because you forgot the plant in the kids’ room so you take the watering can full of fucking vinegar to the plant and you give it a good splash and you then walk to the kitchen and put the watering can down and don’t think about it until you walk into the kitchen again and see the plastic bottle – that was also there when you picked up the can in the first place but who noticed certainly not me! – and realise that you just ‘vinegared’ your plant?

Spoiler: the featured image. Here it is again in all its glory:

Hurts the eyes, doesn’t it?

It’s dead Dave. It’s all dead, Dave.*

I didn’t tell my kids that I am a murderer. I suspect they’ll notice soon enough. I kept an eye on the plant, hoping it would somehow be amazingly resistant to high acidity around its roots but no such luck. It’s dead and it won’t get better, because that’s how death works.

Today I bought a new plant. I might also buy a new watering can.

*Let your geek flag fly!

Pssst: I am thinking of doing a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style NaNoWriMo
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5 thoughts on “Vinegar

  1. We’re down a few houseplants, too, because we bought a new plant stand that placed them within Kai’s reach and he watered them to death. They were cacti; they simply didn’t know what to do with all that water. They literally rotted from the inside.

    Liked by 1 person

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